he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
