is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
