so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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