Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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