dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
