I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
