so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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