I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to be your penis for a week.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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