i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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