Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
