Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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