Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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