bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
