I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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