yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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