god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
