I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Help. Why am I so naked?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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