I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
