i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
