she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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