Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
