K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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