dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
