I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
