I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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