i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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