the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
please come you make the beer taste better
there was a trapeze. enough said
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
