Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
