And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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