You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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