If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
