I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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