she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
