he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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