A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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