Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
