Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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