It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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