Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
