He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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