You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
