It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
