cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
