In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
