explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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