There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bring me that man meat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
