I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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