I wish I could teleport
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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