You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
