just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
