I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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