she was so not down for the gang bang
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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