so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
