I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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