Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
