So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
