Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
