in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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