Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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