you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
