the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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