so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
