I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
